It was General Conference this weekend for our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). Conference is held twice a year in April and October. It's awesome to hear the prophet and apostles speak and it always lifts my spirits and recharges my spiritual batteries.
This morning before Conference began, I was really feeling sorry for myself. I have been kind of dumped by a couple of ladies who I thought were my friends. I thought our kids were friends too, so when I found out this morning that there have been birthday parties and outings that my kids haven't been invited to, I felt SO sad. I wondered, what is wrong with me? Am I not a good friend? Do I do something that keeps people from wanting to be friends with me? I always had close friends growing up, but I have struggled since I got married to make any close friendships (minus Tiffeny, Andrea, and Tammy). And then there is this pesky military thing where we have to keep moving, so the close friends I do manage to make get left behind!
I was also hurting for Carli and Eli, who I know wonder why they never see those friends anymore. I don't want something I do to hurt my kids or keep them from having friends! Anyway, I just couldn't explain it, and I couldn't get rid of the hurt. It's like being in middle school again and knowing that you're just not one of the cool kids.
So, I didn't go into Conference with a warm heart or a particularly spiritual mindset, but so many things that were said went directly to my heart. I especially loved Elder Cook's talk. He quoted his son when he was three years old and had a scary experience. The three-year-old said to his mom: "I hope you know, I had a hard time." Isn't it true that people all over the world, in our families and neighborhoods and wards are having a hard time? I definitely have days when I wish someone knew that I was having a hard time. I was having a hard time today, but when Elder Cook talked about the woman who had lost her husband in a car accident and got over her grief by helping to comfort the mother of the boy who also died when they collided head-on, things were put into perspective. My little heartache seems so insignificant in comparison! I was spending time dwelling on something that I cannot control, and letting it have control over my mood. My life is good. So good. I have been blessed with so much, and it's truly a sin to spend time wallowing in self-pity and self-doubt. I am so grateful for the true friends that I do have and for the difference they have made in my life.
Elder Cook also said that President Monson was asked on his birthday what the members of the church could give him and he said, "Find someone who's having a hard time and do something to help them." Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all did that? That's my goal this week--to find someone who needs my help and help them.
This scripture was also in Elder Cook's talk and I found it so comforting, and exactly what I needed to hear: Wherefore, be of good cheer and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you. --Doctrine and Covenants 68:6
I have everything I need.
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9 comments:
Man, I'm sorry. It stinks to have stuff like that happen, especially when you know that you would never do it to someone else. Hey, we've reconnected in a strange bloggy facebooky kind of way! That counts for something right. If you make it back here to visit family I would love to get our kids together! Seriously.
So sorry you were having a hard time. I have had these same feelings lately, too. I'm sure it is nothing you did, it's just the typical 'clique' thing, I'm sure. If you are looking for someone to hang out with, we'd love to get together! Call me, e-mail me, or whatever or I'll call you!
The talk I liked the most was President Monsons' where he talked about enjoying the moment. Because when time has passed and our children grow up, we will never have that time again. Enjoy the toys all over the house, enjoy the piles of laundry, etc. We will miss it when it's gone. Sometimes I am so busy doing whatever it is I'm doing, I'm not enjoying my kids, taking the time to just be in the moment. That is something I needed to hear. I'm glad you were able to feel the spirit and receive some comfort.
again, you are not alone.. I too have felt this way, I admire that you are open enough to share it, it is great to know that I'm not alone. I too found much strength is my struggles right now, isin't conference great! I gained more of a testimoney then ever this year of how great it is that we know- and we have a prophet!!!
Oh, I am so sorry. I've also had many of these same feelings. It's really hard. I'm sure it's nothing that you did- I couldn't imagine somebody not liking you! :)
I'm so glad that conference was so uplifting for you! I didn't get to hear a lot of it- I saw it, but... :) I'm looking forward to sitting down and watching it in the next couple of nights.
Of course the talk that I probably needed to hear the most (it was actually one of the few that I did hear) was the same one Jamie mentioned. It came of course when I wasn't appreciating my kids... :(
Anyway, thank you for sharing such tender and heartfelt thoughts.
Like everyone else, I'm sorry for what happened. That whole moving often because of the military does make it really hard to keep and make friends. My family has been in B2 ward since 1993 and I have a really hard time making friends because every 2 years, we have an entirely new ward. If I was having a party, I would totally invite your family. You and your husband have always been nice to my family and I really appreciate it.
~Shawn
I agree. Elder Cook's talk was one among my favorite talks. There were many, but his did stand out to me. I can only imagine how hard it would be for you, but I too know that life is so much better when we look at the world through other's eyes & reach out to those worse off then ourselves. Thanks for your insights. Love ya!!!
Those ladies don't know what they are missing! You are such a good friend and I miss being so far from you. I have felt that way so often. I am so far from my family and all my good friends that it makes me homesick once in a while, especially when I'm in need of a good friend around here! I really enjoyed conference too---what we were able to watch of it on the computer amidst the playing/fighting/whining of three active little boys! I'm looking forward to the Ensign so I can read all the talks. I really liked Pres. Eyring's talk on Unity. Anyway, I love you tons, you are the best friend I've had and despite the miles between us I know I can always count on you!
I agree with Jeannie's comment! I've noticed that people our age are more clique-ish, too. Weird, huh? We've moved a lot, too, and I never fit in since we haven't had any kids, but only the people I've known forever don't mind that. I've gotten used to it, and love hanging out with my husband all the time. He's great.
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